dream

i was the person who believes in dreams ( sometimes still believes it -_-" ) most of the time i decide based on my dreams..but usually i'll look at the time that i woke up..if it's in the tahajjud time + i'd take my wudhu' before going to bed, i'll believe 90% of the dreams (see...that's a STRICT restriction to believe a dream =b hahahhaa)... if dreaming during nap time, it'll considered as mainan syaitan =b ngeh3...

i hang on my first crush because i dreamt of him meeting my parents and grandpa.. yup..he did manage to meet my parents in the real life, but not yet to see my granpa.. i still believe that he is the one that will be my husband although he rejected me (i confessed after he waits for 5 years  -_-" n i confessed because forced by my friend... u might think that i'm not sincere..but...please.. i'm not brave enough to tell the person that i like about my feelings..(up to this moment, still don't have the gut -__-" ).. i placed my hope on a tiny piece of string called dream until................................ i saw a girl's pic in his fb..at that time, my heart cracks, but still the tiny 'string' is holding me... and 1 day, i have to face the truth when he called me inviting for his wedding.. n now, he lives happily with his family... (but the big, bad evil inside me is still hoping -_-" bad..badd... i know... huhuhuu )

and what make me keeps nagging this early in the morning (currently 5.35 AM and start writing around 5.15 AM =b) ?





i dreamt of him  (again) and this time it's so real that i don't want to wake up... huhuhuu... it's difficult when u r a stubborn philophobia.. n he being himself is so full of egoistic who constantly testing me.. when he speaks, it'll only lights the anger in me -_-"

i hate him for sure..but deep inside me.. yes... i have to say this in my dear diary, I LOVE HIM.. but the stubborn philophobia inside me of course won't tell him the truth... how maaaaa?????? -__-"
o Allah..please, i'm the tiny creation of all your creation, please guide me... beside the tiny 'string' , i have you.. the strong force that make everything happens... show me the way... amin...

in learning

there's a BIG, DEEP, HUGE difference between

READING and UNDERSTANDING  -_-"

finished reading for twice, third (first written as trice; tgk kamus (in a trice means dalam sekelip mata ;O silly me =b hehehhee) apa aku melalut ni -_-" ) , fourth time but still the journey of understanding seems very difficult for me =((

saya harap hari ini saya tak akan mengalah LAGI -_-"

tapi nampaknya DUGAAN sudah datang LAGI -_-" =(( (received a message from a friend asking to accompany her for lunch.... of course difficult for me to refuse =b *ketuk kepala!!! AARRGGHHH!!! * )

praying hard that i need to understand THIS ONE JOURNAL BY TODAY!!!!!!!
GAMBATTE ME!!!!

SETTING MY GOAL FOR THIS WEEK THAT I NEED TO MEET WIWI THIS FRIDAY...NO EXCUSE!!!! 


p.s.i.love..u;

"ingatlah diri...kau sangat beruntung mendapat jalan yang mudah ini...ramai yang inginkan apa yang kau ada sekarang..kau yang diberi peluang oleh TUHANMU YANG SATU itu, diharap tak mensia-siakan segala ruang dan peluang yang ada...di sini adalah AMANAH..di sini adalah PELUANG... yang semuanya akan disoal di AKHIRAT nanti.... dengan lafaz yang mulia, saya mulakan minggu ini dengan kalimah paling agung, BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM =) pray for me, my dear diary (',~) "

semakin hilang

saat ini
aku rasa diri aku
pada tahap keyakinan paling rendah
semangat yang makin pudar
perasaan yang semakin takut...
masa makin mengejar aku...

risau dengan kebolehan sendiri
gentar setiap kali teringat cemuhan orang
tuhan..
kirimkan aku kekuatan...

terima kasih pada teman2
yang tak jemu2 meniup semangat
sangat menghargai
walaupun...

entahlah..
aku pun xtau bila semua ni boleh berakhir
yang aku tahu
aku memang mahu semuanya tamat segera
tapi aku terpaksa telan
untuk senang itu
jalannya xpernah mudah -_-"

mencari semangat yang hilang

yaaa...ini kerja gila...
esok ada presentation dan masih tiada apa2 untuk dipersembahkan..
and currently at 10.57 am... less than 24 hours and still have nothing to jot down...
huwaaa!!!! =((

oohh...dan arabian y sedang bercinta didepan meja saya ni...
agak mengganggu juga...
dia bukan buat ap ponn..
cakap pon slow2 je..
tapi sy y dok mengusha dia
hahaha.. =b

HAIYAAHHH!!!!

sepatotnya laa...

tapi..rasa hati mcm huhuhuhuu jee...

dah isi borang psd..

da dpt feedback dr sv..tp komen dia mmg pressure abes..tapi rasa nya mmg bagus pon dia komen gitu...
patutnya jd motivasi n seharusnya jd motivasi..hopefully -_-"

walaupun xde sape y bc blog ni.. tp ni innerlog sy dgn diri sy sendiri =b sukati saya la nk tulis ap pun =b hehehe

u want responsibility? here.. i give u one, dear..

oooohh.. so much things happened after i published my wish to get married =b the very unexpected one and it's like a training for me to accept all the responsibilities that i always fantasies =b

jangan pulak igt tetiba ad anak raja masuk meminang..no..no...no..and of course not..things like that only happened in dreams and fairy tale story =b hahhaa

all the responsibilities and the feelings that almost all the parents have, i think i have felt that =b (cakap mcm mak cik2 da ad ank berderet2 -_-" )

to summarize;

• adik dah pilih tempat blaja dia..it's a part time at utm jalan semarak and i'll be his driver =b hehehe.. it's ok dear.. as u were born after me, so it's my responsibility to look after u (',~) <3 every week of ulang alik from lcct--> kl--> upm--> lcct.. who wants to dare me? =b ngeh3.. yeah... tired is a must.. but i pray that my bro have the spirit and strength to finish all this.. 3 years to go...loongggg wayyyy to foresee... gambatte neee big 'lil bro' =b hehehe
• kejadian di hujung bulan puasa? ooohh.. nnt kalo rajin cite... pengajaran paling berharga n mahal kott.. -_-" huhuhuhu
• research? ok..tutup blog sekarang jugak!!!! =((

selamat hari raya!!!! ^^ not too late to wish, rite? =b hahhaa

saya mau kawennn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

saya mau kawen sebab;

i- supaya masa lapang saya boleh diisi dengan kehidupan saya, suami dan anak-anak saya
ii-saya nak tengok anak-anak saya membesar depan saya
iii- saya ada tempat untuk curahkan semua perasaan saya
      - bukan bermaksud saya tak sayangkan family saya di desa.. i'm juz being greedy.. saya nak semua kasih    
        sayang dalam dunia ni.. kalau dark hole akan sedut semua cahaya, saya mahu jadi love hole.. saya nak
        sedut semua kasih sayang dalam dunia ni!!!!!

and of top of all the list,

iv- saya nak anak saya doakan saya bila saya dah tak ada lagi dalam dunia ni..


oohhh...sebenarnya meroyan sebab ini (',~).. ekekeke

oohh.. tapi siyesly laaa...SAYA NAK KAWENN!!!! tapi...

i. saya takde calon
ii-saya tak pandai masak
iii-saya pemalas
iv-eerrr.. macam ada banyak je lagi alasan lain =b hahhaa

ABEH TU CANO EH JANG???? =b